For many years now I live alone
in a tiny single room by the canal.
I have no photographs on the walls
there are no books on the shelves
and the wireless broke years ago.
I feel nothing, I need nothing, I want nothing.
I do not read the papers and hardly watch TV.
Each Friday I go out to buy groceries.
I make polite conversation with the
shop assistants and my doctor thinks
this is good for me. But I always rush back
to the safety of my silent room
with the faded old pattern on its walls.
Once in a while I travel to the shop
in Charlotte Street to buy flowers
but she is never there.
This always upsets me and my doctor
thinks this is bad for me, even though
this is the only time I feel alive.
Like most other days, today I'm sitting
at the window staring through the grimy
glass at the little boats on the water.
It's late in the afternoon, the end of summer
and the days are now much shorter.
The street is dark and nearly empty.
I stare at the young girl sitting on the bench across the street. I cannot see her clearly but, I fool myself, I know it's her— it's always her.
I watch her quietly until she leaves—
she always leaves by eight o’clock.
The hours pass until it’s time for bed
but I don't move. I know sleep will not come
and the nightmares will soon begin again.
Part of the Old Stories cycle of poems
A few words about the poem…
Exploring Solitude and Longing in Melancholy Poems
The poem "My Day," from the series “Melancholy Poems,” encapsulates the essence of solitude and routine, portraying a life seemingly devoid of external attachments yet punctuated by fleeting moments of connection and yearning. Through poignant imagery, the poet invites readers into the solitary existence of the protagonist, whose daily rituals serve as a fragile anchor in an otherwise empty existence.
The opening lines paint a picture of stark simplicity, with the speaker inhabiting a solitary room devoid of personal adornments. The absence of photographs and books suggests a detachment from the past and a disinterest in intellectual pursuits, while the broken wireless symbolizes a disconnect from the outside world. The repetition of "nothing" emphasizes the protagonist's detachment from material desires, reinforcing the theme of emotional emptiness.
Despite this apparent detachment, the speaker's weekly trips for groceries hint at a desire for human interaction, however brief. The polite conversations with shop assistants serve as a tentative connection to society, endorsed by the doctor as a form of therapeutic engagement. Yet, the protagonist's retreat to the safety of solitude underscores a deep sense of comfort in isolation, highlighting the paradoxical nature of human longing.
The introduction of the flower shop and the protagonist's fondness for lilies inject a subtle note of longing and melancholy into the narrative. The absence of the desired recipient at the shop evokes a sense of unfulfilled longing, contrasting with the brief moments of vitality experienced in her presence. The doctor's disapproval underscores society's perception of the protagonist's unconventional source of solace, further isolating him from external validation.
As the poem progresses, the passage of time is marked by the changing seasons and the protagonist's solitary vigil by the window. The depiction of late afternoon fading into darkness mirrors the protagonist's internal state of desolation, while the fleeting presence of the young girl across the street symbolizes a fragile hope amidst the pervasive loneliness. Despite the protagonist's longing for connection, the inevitability of her departure and the onset of night foreshadow the return of haunting nightmares and restless insomnia.
In conclusion, "My Day" offers a poignant exploration of solitude, routine, and fleeting moments of connection amid emotional detachment. Through restrained language and evocative imagery, the poet invites readers to contemplate the complexities of human experience and the enduring search for meaning amidst the silence of solitary existence.
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